I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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