I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
