you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
This is the high leading the old right now
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
