you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize