omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
There's always time for handjobs
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
soo... how was my night?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
