you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
