I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
