I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
