Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
