dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
