I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Im part way to drunk.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
