dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
