So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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