i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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