I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
