How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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