You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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