Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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