I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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