And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
she looked like the before picture.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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