We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
