Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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