Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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