PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Randomize