Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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