I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
