so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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