There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
