I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
