Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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