i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
