Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
