dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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