beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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