I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
So many bounce houses so little time
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
