when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
