I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
