so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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