U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
