i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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