I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize