no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
You pole danced in your parka.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
