so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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