Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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