Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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