I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
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