The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
