I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
