i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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