Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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