Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Randomize
