Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
