On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
