You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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