Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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