There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
