i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize