Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
