She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
