I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
