Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
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