wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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