yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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