I want to walk on stilts...naked
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
