My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Sext me about skeletons
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
