ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
