Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
