Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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