Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
