Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Randomize