it's too hot outside to masturbate.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
