My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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